Silver Linings

I hate clichés.

So a post about stuff I’m thankful for, posted ON Thanksgiving feels a little weird. Setting my cynicism aside though, it’s simply apt timing, and I’m gonna fully take advantage.

Let’s be real: cancer is shit. It seeps into every conceivable facet of life and wreaks havoc. It overwhelms and it aches.

But. It’s also remarkably unifying, and sometimes, oddly heartening. So in honor of the parts of cancer that don’t suck, here’s my non-exhaustive list of things I’m really really ridiculously grateful for on this Thanksgiving.

1. My Circle! I have never felt so connected to and valued by my family and close friends. That ol’ adage about finding out who your friends are rings so true here. I have so damn many people to love. I am grateful for the strengthened connections, incredible displays of selflessness, and overwhelmingly perfect support I’ve gotten from my favorite people.

I really didn’t think I could love this guy any more than I did. But someone loving and supporting you through something like this can certainly elevate everything. I can’t imagine a more supportive, stable and loving partner to go through this terrible phase with. Rowan absolutely hates to be the center of attention, but we should really have an entire festival to celebrate how much my wonderful man does. From taking diligent notes, to asking all the right questions, to calming my worst fears and holding my hand and letting me squeeze really tight when I’m just plain angry, he does it all with the kind of grace and patience I cannot.

2. GoFundMe! I have been blubbering like a baby for the last few days seeing the generosity of people near and far coming my way. I am simply stupefied and humbled by the kindness of everyone who has contributed. From my best, oldest friends, to complete strangers, to people I haven’t spoken to in years and kind old coworkers, so many people have stepped up to help little old me.

In the first day it was out there, the expected out-of-pocket cost of my surgery in January was already covered. I cannot put into words how much of a relief this is. Dealing with the costs of cancer on top of having ACTUAL CANCER is pretty rotten, so to have this massive head start on all my medical bills is simply incredible. If you contributed, shared, commented or even just read the description, THANK YOU. It seems like just empty words, but I mean it from the softest, goopiest parts of my heart.

3. Visitors! So far, cancer has catalyzed visits from a bunch of my favorite people including my mom, my sister Hannah (who surprised me with an elaborate plot involving a lost fluffy dog on a cold, rainy night,) my best friend Breanna, and two of my oldest and most dear friends, Alyssa and her mom Jan, who came to town simply to pamper me. They made us meals and cookies, organized every closet in my house, and doted on Leni all weekend, asking nothing in return. How are people so good?

My mom REALLY loves brunch and puppies.

I’ve known Lyssa and Jan since I was two!

4. Retail Therapy! Not that this is the wisest habit when you’re drowning in medical bills, but it turns out having cancer actually significantly cuts down on eating out/going out expenses, so it’s only wise to use those saved pennies on some indulgences, right? I finally bought those delicious Frye boots I’ve had my eye on for years. I got a cool new lamp for my bedroom, since I needed something IV-pole-esque to hang my chemo pump from’. I’ve even gotten a few massages without a Groupon. 💅🏻

Anyway, spending money doesn’t solve a damn thing, but little treats like these make living with a monster in my body a little more palatable. And I’m really grateful that I’m in a position to have these indulgences here and there.

5. A Clean House! This amazing organization, Cleaning for a Reason, offers free cleaning services for cancer patients. They came and cleaned our house from top to bottom and did an amazing job. Coming home to a sparkling clean home – and I’m talking every crevice – was sooooooo good.

6. Work! If you have to get cancer, be sure you do it while working for uShip. I’m so grateful I can still work through my treatment. Both financially and for the sake of my mental health, I would be very unhappy if I were in a job where I had to take long-term leave. I can’t say enough about how fkng wonderful everyone at work has been through all this. My little team has supported me in every way, from being totally understanding about my many absences to donating both to Livestrong and my GoFundMe. The HR team even gave me my own little cancer cells!

It flips inside out to become a white blood cell!

7. A Christmas Chemo Vacation! Purely by chance, my surgery will fall in mid-January, meaning I have to take a break from chemo for the month before. I’m very excited that I’ll get to feel a little better over Christmas, and that I’ll get to be home with my whole family.

8. Puppies! Right after I was diagnosed, my household decided we needed puppies in our time of need. We’d fostered an older pup a few months prior, and he had found an incredible forever home, so we were fully ready for the next round.

My roommate Marissa, the actual foster parent, may or may not have used the ol’ cancer card to ensure we were first in line when she received an email regarding two tiny dachshund puppies needing a foster home. (Fully supported this.) We raced to the shelter to get them, and found two tiny little poop-covered angels who were so weak they couldn’t even shake off after their baths.

After a few weeks, these little constantly-pooping-monsters were at full-strength and growing like weeds. We decided to call them Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom. They brought so much joy and life to our house. It couldn’t have been better timing, and my sweet roommates did all the hard work and let me just enjoy the puppy love.

Tiny fragile bbs

Smol.

In September, Luna found her forever home, so we were left with just our boy. We decided that perhaps she was the smart one, and he...the sweet one. In trying to find him the perfect home, Marissa eventually decided he was already in it! The fostering had failed and she’s now his forever mom, and Corinne (other roomie) and I are his aunties. His name is now Beaver (Neville’s just not as good without Luna,) and he is the life of the party. We love this boy so dearly, and even Leni is coming around to life with a very annoying little brother.

Big boy is growing up!

9. Mail! I love getting good mail. Like, not bills, not ads, not medical junk. I’ve received so many cards, letters, packages and gifts. These little gestures (sometimes big gestures, honestly) are so meaningful to me. I am so happy and excited each time something like this comes. I’m now drowning in decadent bath supplies, comfy socks and way too much candy and I LOVE IT.

So, it’s not all bad. While I’m never going to be the kind of person who says things like “I’m glad I got cancer! Best thing that ever happened to me!” I do have an appreciation for the many silver linings that have come my way through it.